Being sick stinks! I have definitely been worn down these last 3 weeks with less sleep, congested head, exhausted body, and foggy mind. I just wanted to scream out, “I am done with this darn illness!” and then put myself in bed, again. On Saturday night, I had a breakthrough. Of course it had to all come to a head before I had any clarity. I was snippy with my kids, frustrated with my husband, my house was cluttered, no one was helping with dinner, and the glass of red fruit punch that spilled onto the table, floor, and rug finally finished me off! I headed to my room, closed the door, and started a bubble bath to wash away my emotional and physical exhaustion. I grabbed the laptop and put on a presentation from Henry B. Eyring called Mountains To Climb. As I listened to the wise words of this man, I knew that I was directed to hear this exact message at that time. I loved one part especially when he spoke,
“I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.
There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there.”
He later goes on to say that those whom are going through trials are being “polished”. This hit me like an arrow to my heart! I pulled the plug to the bathtub and sat in the suds that had been abandoned by the water and just wept. The polishing process can be so difficult at times, and yet I found strength in knowing the God needs me to be more refined for the work that He has for me to do.
I toweled off and grabbed my robe and knelt in my closet in prayer. Asking for strength through the daily weight of having the mantle of a mother. Asking for endurance in being a caregiver and living with many unknown changes in health. Asking for forgiveness for the times that I am quick to react and slow to understand. Asking to better understand my role in this world. Asking to feel of His infinite love and support. I felt drained!
I realized that night, that I needed 3 weeks of illness to humble myself to the point of turning it all over the Lord, again. For the peace I felt after that night did not come from the warm water and luxurious bubbles. It came from a loving Heavenly Father that is always there for us and will give us the strength if we will but ask and surrender our personal agendas over to His will.
Here is the short 5 minute video called Mountains to Climb that I love, but I also highly recommend watching or reading Henry B. Eyring’s talk (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/mountains-to-climb?lang=engin) in its entirety.
“Acting on a twig of faith, allows God to grow it.” Henry B. Eyring